Before You Leave: A Romance Novel Read online

  “Ok then Kieran, do you want to hear my story or tell your own first?” I ask knowing as soon as he hears mine I’ll be sent back to the hotel.

  “Lady’s first I think.”

  With his legs apart and sitting on the edge of his seat, he leans his forearms on his knees waiting for me to begin.

  I start by telling him about how Ryan and I met, how Sarah introduced us at a party and how it was Abigail that came with him, a revelation I had only learnt recently. I explained about his business that was progressing and that he worked long hours to achieve what the shop represented. Focusing on the tiles on the floor I smile as I go into detail of how Ryan proposed to me and then moved into my apartment, which was about the time he had to move out of his own due to differences with the landlord. I then gave a brief outline of our wedding plans. Kieran didn’t interrupt at any time, allowing me to live in the past while explaining it all to him. Until I got to the part of the day it all went wrong. My words become harder to speak only a whisper can be heard and my voice doesn’t sound like mine. I close my eyes and instantly I am taken back to that day, the phone call, and the cup smashing on the floor before I collapsed. The tears trickle down my face and I let them, having no energy to hold them back. Moving from his seat, Kieran wraps his arms around me and I lay my head on his shoulder and cry. His hand soothes my back, moving in a circular motion and my body crumples in his.

  When my tears eventually stop, I lift my heavy head and Kieran hands me a tissue. I wipe my eyes while he inspects my face, looking all over like he is searching for something I haven’t yet revealed, and he would be right, I haven’t. Not yet anyway.

  “I’m sorry, your shirt is all wet.” I apologise to him, trying to dap the dampness with a tissue.

  “That’s nothing. Are you ok though? Do you want to talk anymore?” Resting his hand on my thigh, he waits for my answer.

  “You wanted honesty didn’t you?”

  “I do but if you are exhausted then it can wait.”

  “If I stop then I might never tell you. I have never told anyone this.”

  “The accident?”

  “No before.”

  “Do you want me to stay here or go back to my chair?”

  “Can you stay right where you are? You are giving me the strength to carry on.”

  “I’m not moving.”

  I continue talking while threading the tissue through my fingers. “The night before the accident Ryan was in the shower. He had come home late after another busy day. It was happening a lot but he said it was because of the business and that even Abigail had to put in her overtime too. I had no reason to doubt him. He loved me, I adored him and our wedding date was getting close.

  His phone buzzed.

  I never looked at his phone before, I just didn’t, but it buzzed a second and then a third time and the message lit up the screen. I couldn’t avoid glancing over at it.” I stop talking to settle my hands from shaking. Kieran takes them into his and rubs them.

  “What did you read Julia?”

  With a shaky voice I tell him before I break down again. “Have you told the bitch yet before it goes too far?”

  Kieran pulls me onto his lap. Holding on to me he starts to rock gently. And I let him. I don’t know how long we are there but when I open my eyes again the sun is starting to set.

  “Hey, you are okay?”

  “How long have we been like this?” I ask still feeling exhausted and shivery.

  “It doesn’t matter but I think we need to go inside away from night bugs and get you warmed up. Can you walk?”

  “I’m sure I can.” A little dozed I climb off his lap and take my half emptied glass in with me. As we go back inside, Kieran closes off the garden again with the screen windows. I walk over to the kitchen trying to keep my mind occupied and start washing up.

  “Julia, do you know who the text was from?” Kieran asks while guiding me away from the sink to the cream lounge area. Sitting me down, he sits close by and turns to face me.

  “I thought about it. Haven’t stopped thinking about it since that day. I wondered if she was at his funeral, did I shake her hand, did she cry when his coffin was lowered into the ground? After he died, I died too. I was mad at him for leaving me, mad at him for dying without me knowing who the other woman was. I didn’t know if he loved me, truly loved me Kieran. The guilt ate away at me. I lost my job, my friends lost their patience and I stayed at our home slowly decomposing. The day you saw me coming off that plane was the first time I’d left my place in a long time. Sarah had to give me a couple of tablets and I drank some whiskey to leave. You could say I was dragged here. The clothes I’m wearing are what Sarah packed. The sunglasses I wear are hers. I had no reason to live and I wasn’t. And look at how I’ve repaid her. I’ve been sick, lost and hospitalised. No wonder Abigail was pissed off with me.”

  “Why was she angry with you?”

  “I guess I didn’t realise how Ryan’s accident affected her too. He was her business partner.”

  “Yeah but that doesn’t give her the right to be mad.”

  “She is Sarah’s friend really. I guess I got in the way sometimes.”

  “Right, that’s enough. Whatever her problem is it isn’t you, do you hear me?”

  “I hear you.” I say deflated.

  “Good. I’m glad Sarah got you here. I’m glad I was on that flight to catch you and I’m glad you’re sitting on my settee talking to me. That you feel you can means a lot to me. I do have to explain to you my reasons for being around you but I think you have had enough truth for one night.”

  I nod my head; I really don’t think I stay awake much longer even though I want to hear his story. It must be the tablets from the doctor that are making me so tired.

  “If you want I can drive you back to your hotel but I would prefer if you stayed here in my spare room. It would make me feel better if you did.”

  “I don’t have anything with me, no toothbrush or clean clothes.”

  “I can lend you my t-shirt. It’s cool at night because I leave on the air conditioning and you can use my toothbrush if you want.”

  “I don’t think I should use your toothbrush.”

  “Not even my new unopened one?” He lifts his dark eyebrows and puts on a smile that shows his pearly white teeth.

  “Kieran I am too tired. I want to laugh but my mouth won’t let me.”

  “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Before my legs hit the floor, Kieran scoops me into his arms and taking two steps at a time climbs the steps to the first floor. Pushing the white glossed door open with his hip, we enter into what Kieran called his spare room.

  Laying me down onto the bed that dominates the room with deep red sheets on and cushions that would make any home-store proud, Kieran makes a gap for my head to lie back on.

  “They are not my idea, by the way. Just in case you think I’m a cushion mad kind of guy. My cousin, Izzie, helped decorate this room as she stays here sometimes.” He explains and I am glad he did. I have never liked an overabundance of cushions, although Sarah tried to make me buy some. I always refused. A bed doesn’t need decorating.

  “Your bathroom is through there,” he explains while walking over to the door to the ensuite, “and if you need me I am in the room down the hall. Don’t hesitate to come knocking if you have a bad dream, or need company, or you get cold, or you just want to talk.”

  “Kieran thank you. I think I will just need the shirt and toothbrush please.”

  “Of course, wait here and I’ll get it for you. Don’t move a muscle.”

  I lay my head on the soft pillow, my eyes get heavier and close. I cannot fight how tired I am. I don’t hear Kieran come back into the room. I don’t see him leave the toothbrush and paste on the bedside cabinet and I didn’t know he left his t-shirt next to me on the bed until I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold panic.

  I can feel the sweat trickling down my back. Kicking off the sheet that must have been placed
over me, I try and cool down but it doesn’t help. With my skin clammy I make my way over to the bathroom and turn on the cold tap. Throwing water over my face I try to cool myself, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Striping off my yellow dress and underwear and dropping it on the floor, I run the shower on the coolest setting. Sliding the door open I enter and let the water cascade over my heated body. Taking deep breaths I rest my head on the glass surrounding and start to calm. After a few minutes I’m able to leave the shower. The towels in the bathroom are identical to the ones Kieran has in his apartment and I welcome how much the small comfort makes me feel secure when I wrap myself in it. Before leaving the bathroom I brush my teeth with Kieran’s unused brush and now feeling a little more human, head back to bed. With the light starting to seep through the shutters, I stay hovering between the two rooms.

  “Kieran, is that you?” I can see a figure sitting on the bed that has his physique but still I need to ask.

  “I heard the shower on and was worried. Are you ok? Is your head sore?” Leaving the bed he takes the few steps to reach me. Looking up to him, even in this light I can see he looks worried and tired. His focus darts around my face, stopping only when he locks onto my eyes.

  “I was hot and couldn’t cool down. The shower helped though.”

  “You should’ve called me.”

  “Kieran you have done enough for me already.”

  “I haven’t done half enough.” Guiding me with his arm around my waist he brings me back to the bed.

  “I’ll turn my back for you to put on my shirt and then I’m staying with you until it is a decent time of the morning.” Handing me the white shirt off the bed, Kieran turns his back on me.

  “You don’t need to stay, I’ll be fine.” I tell his broad back now facing me. His shoulders slouch forward a little before he answers.

  “I know but I’m not. I need to be close to you. I promise to lay on the top sheet and not touch but I need to do this.”

  I know I should listen to my head that is telling me that I am mad being here not even knowing much about him but my gut is screaming to trust him. Sarah said I should and she already knows more about him then I do. Changing in to his shirt, a shirt that isn’t Ryan’s, I leave the towel beside the bed and lay back down on the dark red sheet that matched the top one.

  “You can turn around.”

  Turning he waits at the edge of the bed, I pat the space next to me to indicate he can lie there. It only strikes me then that he is only wearing a pair of tight fitting boxers. Even in this dull light I can see his body enjoys the outdoors and the sun. Facing me, he keeps one arm down beside him and the other under his head.

  “You have very pretty eyes for someone who has been crying for so long.” His soft words are gentle to my ears. “I think you should turn over though or I might not be able to stop myself from kissing you again.”

  I do what he asks and turn over. Closing my eyes I wonder what his lips would taste like on mine, a deeper kiss, one that doesn’t briefly touch mine, one that would stay with me forever. Would it be as delicious as the shower gel he must have used this evening because right now I have an urge to turn back around and plant his lips onto mine.

  *****

  Waking up my body is tangled, unable to move. I startle and try to free myself until the musky aroma reminds me that I am safe. No longer do I try to untangle but instead, stay lying still in his arms, with his heart beating near to me and the warmth of content comes over me.

  I don’t know how long we stay in this position but when the sun starts to shine through the shutters, screaming to be let in, I slowly move away this time with ease. From under his hold I make my way out of the bed and open up the shutters. The ray beams in and lands on Kieran giving him a glow over his half naked body. His legs spread across the bed taking up most of the space with his torso tanned lying on his back, looking content and peaceful. The bulge in his boxers makes me blush and I look away as he starts to move. Throwing his arm over his eyes to shield the morning light he rolls on to his side facing me.

  “Good morning, what a beautiful sight you are.”

  “Morning, hope you don’t mind me opening the shutters?” My cheeks I can feel, are heating up again.

  “Not at all. How are you feeling?”

  “Much better, I slept very well.”

  “Glad to hear. I slept exceptionally well. Very rare thing for me and I should thank you for that.”

  “No need, if I recall it was me that woke you.”

  “Well gorgeous for your information I wasn’t asleep. I’m not usually good at that.”

  “Oh, do you want to talk about it now.”

  “Would you like breakfast first?”

  “No I’m fine.”

  “Well I am starving and plus I make a mean pancake.”

  “You’ve twisted my arm.” I smile.

  “Stand exactly where you are.” His voice sounds serious. Standing still I look around the floor and the balcony doors just in case something is there I haven’t seen.

  “What is it Kieran, seriously if there is a spider tell me so I don’t freak out. Is it on me?”

  “No, no spider but just turn slightly to the left.”

  As I shuffle my feet to the left Kieran smiles broadly.

  “What is it Kieran. This isn’t funny anymore.”

  “Okay, okay, it’s the light. It hits my t-shirt on you in just the right place. You are like an angel standing there.”

  I jump and land on him pretending to be cross, but he pins me down on the bed. My hands are held above my head while his body hovers above mine. I inhale him. His breath deepens and becomes shallow as he licks his lips locking his eyes onto mine. I hold still, waiting for him to move, silently begging for something but not sure what. My legs are trapped by his strong thighs and with just a thin piece of material between us; I can feel something hard pressing into my skin.

  I wait.

  Kiss me damn it.

  With a sigh he lifts his body off mine, grabs the towel I used last night off the floor and wraps his lower half in it.

  “I’ll be down stairs making breakfast. Come down when you’re ready.” He tells me as he leaves the room and me still lying on the bed, panting.

  What just happened? I ask myself again while dressing in the clothes I wore yesterday. Quickly brushing my teeth I walk over to the double doors and open them up onto a balcony. A small steel table and a chair fit neatly on the outside area and I take a seat to look out to admire the view. The pool we were sitting near last night is at the left side of the garden. I can’t see how far the land goes but it’s beautifully maintained. The place is so peaceful, no cars or neighbours can be heard though I’m not surprised when he lives so far away from anyone and the main road. He really does like his peace and quiet.

  The silence is broken with the sound of Kieran’s voice from below. The conversation only seems one way. Getting up from the chair I lean over the railing to see Kieran walking around the patio area with his phone against his ear.

  “No I haven’t had a chance to tell her yet.” Pause “I know but I’m sure she will understand when I do.” Pause. “But you have to love me, you always have.” Pause. “Okay I’ll let you know as soon as I do. Miss you. Bye”

  Slouching back down onto the chair the horrid memories come back from the text I read from Ryan’s phone and all I want to do is run. Run far away from everyone in my life until I can run no more.

  Walking into the kitchen, Kieran stands at the counter dishing out scrambled eggs. My stomach turns. Throwing back my head to allow my hair to cascade down my back I smile as I reach him.

  “Glad you could join me. I thought you were coming straight after when I left.”

  “I had a couple of things to do, woman stuff, you know.”

  “Woman stuff hey, do you need anything for that?”

  “Not that kind of woman stuff just needed a few minutes to dress.”

  “Well I hope you like eggs. I ma
de you scrambled eggs on wholegrain toast. Do you like?”

  “Mmm looks delicious.”

  “Good eat up before it gets cold though.”

  Sitting on the high-back stool, I pull the smallest looking dish in front of me. Kieran hands me a fork and sits down opposite me.

  “You seem very quiet, are you sure you are okay?”

  “I’m good, hungry I guess.”

  With the fork I start pushing the egg around the plate before stabbing it into a small piece of cooked egg. Sliding it off the prong with my teeth I chew it quickly before swallowing fast, not giving the egg a chance to hit my taste buds. Kieran puts his fork down on the side of his plate and watches me. I only manage another three more small mouthfuls before I give up and push the plate away.

  “Thought you were hungry.”

  “So did I.”

  “Do you want me to cook you something else?”

  “No Kieran eat yours so I can go back to my hotel room please.”

  “You want to leave…now?” I can’t look at the stunned face or the disappointment Kieran is bound to be showing, instead I take the plate to the sink. Resting my hands on the smooth wooden surround, my shoulders lower as I speak to him with my back turned.

  “I just want an easy life, no complications, no heartache, no tears unless they are for happy reasons. I need to protect myself Kieran. I can’t do this. These lies, this pretending, I’m through.”

  “What are you afraid off Julia?” His words are soft but I know now anything he says will be far from the truth.

  “I’m afraid of you, Kieran. I don’t know you and yet here I am in your home, standing in your kitchen and all the time you’re stringing me along.”

  “What…what are you talking about?”

  Turning I face him, I want him to see that I know the truth. That he has now been found out.

  “You Kieran, I feel like I have been lied too since the day I arrived on this damn island. You have followed me all over like a stalker and fuck, look where I am. In your fucking lair. When did I become so weak that I managed to get trapped in your lies while I spilled out my heart to you last night?”